Women have experienced violence for generations in their lives most of the times silently and this silence has made it possible for women of all ages to continue experiencing almost on daily basis. Some of the common forms of violence against women that are accepted by the society and women include:

•  Domestic violence

Which is the most accepted form of violence against women and is the source and a training college for the perpetrators of violence against women of all sorts: domestic violence in families make girls from such families to condone violence in their adult lives.

•  Sexual harassment.

This is the most dehumanizing form of violence which is also accepted by women and men as very normal; sexual harassment targets women and girls of all ages. It reduces the self-dignity of a girl / or a woman. It is the beginning of a process where girls and women lose their self-esteem, personality and self-identity. It sets in a process where a young girl begins to look at herself as a person whose sole role in life is to ensure that her husband or boyfriend is happy even if this compromises her values as a human being.

Physical violence

•  Most women tolerate physical violence because they have been socialized in early childhood to compromise or forget everything they cherish once they get married and look up to the husband to give direction in all situations.

•  Most women think they are married while they are only staying in a status of “come we risk” such status reduces the woman's voice to challenge intimidation from her partner for fear of being told to go or replaced with another woman and therefore they condone abusive partnership with justification that, “she is working on that marriage”

•  Majority of men have grown up in violent families and experienced episodes of all sorts of violence against either their mothers and occasionally against their fathers. Such men see violence as a normal way of life. When such a man happens to marry a woman who grew up in a violent family, then they will both see all types of violence we listed at the beginning of this presentation as very normal. This scenario has sustained the vicious cycle of violence against women.

Learning institutions

This is another institution which can be a source of violence against women. Girls and boys who learn in schools where their teachers use the cane as tool for changing behaviour , where students are sexually and verbally violated, only grow up and transit to adulthood with such mentalities and will stop at nothing but continue to express themselves using all forms of violence.

How can violence be eliminated in our society, particularly (VAW) Violence Against Women?

If domestic violence, which takes place at family level between a husband and a wife and between girlfriend and boyfriend, is addressed effectively, then the process of eliminating VAW will have started. First because the parties in any relationship including marriage status will be true to each other and will engage dialogue instead of insults, children from such families will inherit peace and not violence.

Other ways of eliminating violence include the following steps:

•  Those planning to marry need to court each other for longer periods before rushing to marriage and during this period they should open up and avoid pretences which hide their real characters.

•  Violence against women should be included in the institutions of learning curriculum.

•  Life skills particularly for women's self protection should be part of schools curriculum particularly the “ marshall Arts”

•  We as a country should invest in quality academic and social education for all girls and boys so as to reduce dependency by women on men.

•  Parents / guardians should have their capacities built through mass education so as to provide quality social education to their children or those they live with.

•  The role of harmful cultural beliefs and traditions should be incorporated in the syllabuses.

•  The root causes of Violence Against Women should be the focus of the civil society organizations working with communities not complaints not symptoms.

Domestic violence as a focus

Preventing domestic violence leads to the creation of violence free families which is the foundation for violence free society.

•  Preventing domestic violence is a long-term commitment that requires courage and persistence. By investing resources and time in preventing domestic violence your organization will have used their energies in building a foundation for a “change we can believe in.” Quote from Barack Obama the first black American to be elected as the 44 th president of America .

•  This great youthful president of the U.S spent two years in courtship and ended by marrying Michelle as a friend and the love of his life not just a wife or a beast of burden. We want sustainable change for the future generation of this country.

•  Violence against women and particularly domestic violence should be integrated in all programme designs of CSOS and in all NGOs interventions so that we deal with the source of all forms of violence against women and not living it to women led organizations or human rights based organizations only.

•  Women led organizations need to break the barriers of communication, participation and engagement in organized and coordinated dialogue with men on using the family as a foundation for a strong nation and violence free state.

•  Gender integration is the way forward in building the capacity of women and men to support and sustain the dignity of each other. Strong families will ensure that their daughters and sons are equipped with values which will sustain that family name long after they are gone.

•  Advocacy on Violence Against Women should include facts on the institutions where violence is learnt not only the numbers of women who have been violated. We need to put emphasis on programs which bring back the lost self esteem in women and target the younger generations in realizing that Violence Against Women is not acceptable.

What should women or men faced with violence do?

•  Do something: don't wait for another attack.

•  Let the first attack not turn into a habit.

•  The longer you wait in abusive relationship the more difficult it will be to get out.

•  Don't accept a situation you would not like to be repeated.

Go to a safe place

•  The survivor of violence should go to a relative's house and ask to stay for a while. It will show the perpetrator that she has choices.

•  Make a decision which you can sustain during this short stay with a relative not emotional decision.

•  Consult a trusted friend or your family

Medical help

If there are injuries seek medical help. Keep medical records safely because they may be required in court as evidence if he is charged in court.

Go to a rescue house

A rescue house is a place where abused women can go and get accommodation and counseling services, while contemplating what to do next. Such houses are very few in Kenya .

Women's Rights Awareness programme (WRAP) runs a rescue house in Nairobi .

Make a criminal complaint

When your spouse beats or threatens you with another beating he commits a criminal offence under the penal code, which states that spousal violence is outlawed in all forms from subtle molestation to serious mutilation.

According to the law any person who intimidates or molests any other person is guilty of an offence and is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding three years.

Intimidation:

Is described as threatening to injure a person's body, reputation or property. It does not matter whether the person molested or threatened is a wife or a husband of the attacker, chronic gender based violence starts with intimidation.

Physical assault

•  Physical assaults are also outlawed under the law and any person found guilty is liable to imprisonment for a jail term ranging from one year to life imprisonment.

•  A common assault like a shove, slap or a tempered blow could be punished with one year in jail while a serious injury could be punished with life imprisonment.

•  A wife has a right to make a complaint by reporting the matter to police. The law says that the police must help. The police will arrest the husband and charge him in court. The case will be dismissed if the person who reported is not ready to stand in court as witness.

•  If they choose to reconcile the case will be dismissed. If the case continues it is up to the magistrate to decide if the husband or wife is guilty or not guilty.

Seek a restraining order

The complainant may seek from the magistrates court a binding order directing the husband to stop beating or threatening her. She will be required to swear an affidavit stating what has happened.

They will be summoned in court where the magistrate will issue retraining order, if the husband restrained beats his wife again then, he may be jailed.

Obtaining judicial separation

•  The battered spouse can seek judicial separation because of domestic violence whether the marriage is customary or statutory.

•  Judicial separation mean that the court gives the offended spouse permission to live a way from the other.

•  The court can order the husband to pay the maintenance money to the wife and the children and order him to leave the house. This is a better process because it is legal. Simply moving away form the matrimonial home is not binding.

•  Judicial separation is not like divorce it doesn't bring marriage to an end and neither party can remarry.

Obtain divorce

•  In customary or statutory marriage divorce is allowed on the grounds of violence.

•  The reason for seeking divorce must be written and proved.

•  At the time of granting divorce the issues of custody of the children and division of property should be discussed.

•  If the children are of tender ages the wife will have custody unless the husband can prove that she is unfit to live with them. If violence on children by the wife can be proved, then it will be a good reason to grant custody of children to the husband.

This paper has prepared us on how to track violence against women, what to do towards preventing (VAW) and where to go plus how the law can protect the battered women who can stand up before too late to say enough is enough.

Paper presented by:

Dolphine Achieng Okech

Execuive Director & Programmes Coordinator (KEFEADO).